 |
| Linda Hamilton in her 60s, in movie Terminator: Dark Fate, 2019. Credit: Twentieth Century Fox. |
What I wrote in 2013, when I was still a woman of a certain age:
A Woman of a Certain Age is No Young Lady
Look.
The first few times a woman is called "ma'am," yes, it makes one wince. The transition from ingenue to mature woman is a little painful. But over time, one becomes accustomed to ma'am and even comes to appreciate the term for the respect it tenders.
But there is no justification for calling a woman over the age of 18 "young lady." Especially, especially if it comes from a man younger than the woman. There is no respect in this usage. Indeed, it infantilizes a grown woman. The act is particularly egregious when said in the workplace by one professional (in name only) to another. Yes, I've had that happen. (I've also had a CEO pull my hair playfully, as if I were a child, when I asked him a work-related question.)
To add insult to injury, I've found no way to express my dislike for this term without it resulting in blowback from the offender.
Some argue that they mean no harm. I'll accept that at face value; I'm sure they don't mean any harm. But intent is not relevant.
Just stop doing it.
Six years later, in 2019 ....
Six years later (thereby six years older), in 2019, when I lived in Tucson, a man about my same age - a fellow volunteer for a local organization, who owned a special medical-device practice - called me young lady.
I made a mild comment that I did not care to be called young lady.
The man smiled. He lifted his hand, reached across the space of air between us, and gently patted my cheek.
The fucker.
- This man invaded my physical space and touched an intimate part of my body without my consent.
- It should go without saying, but evidently not everyman gets it: the act of patting someone's cheek is what one does to a child.
- Said patting of the cheek dismisses, discounts, and disregards my objection.
Sidebar: Yes, our faces are intimate parts of our bodies. Consider the level of insult that comes with the phrase, "it was a slap in the face."
Blowback. There's always the blowback.
Related articles by others
- From actor Karen Grassle, written in 2019, when she was over 75: Don't Call Me Young Lady
- From Ask a Manager in 2019: People Call Me Young Lady When Clearly I'm Not
No comments:
Post a Comment