Funereal Thoughts: A Joke

 

Sweets, Bowie  Bakery, El Paso, Texas. March 2017. Credit: Mzuriana.

There was a very old man. 

Bedridden, fragile, so weak.

Death stood near. 

One day, he awoke to scrumptious smells emanating from his kitchen. His favorite baked goods! There were also savories. Tiny bacon and swiss cheese quiches! Barbecue pulled pork! Homemade baked beans! 

The fragrances so seduced the old man that he struggled to remove the sheet and blanket that covered his failing body, then he half-fell and half-stepped out of his bed, then carefully, for fear of falling, he lowered himself to the floor. The old man crawled - oh so slowly - from his bed, through his bedroom, down a corridor, and into his dining room, whereupon he spied atop the dining room table, an array of sweets and savories. 

Trembling with both desire and fatigue, the old man crept to the table. 

He arrived. Tremulously, he reached up his arm and grasped hold of a fat pastry. He lifted it shakily, his mouth opening in anticipation of a sweet bite.

His wife loomed suddenly. Her hand slapped his away, and the pastry dropped back onto the table. 

"That's for after the funeral!"