The Law of Relativity in the Land of Age

 

Gentlemen at Monument Valley, Utah. October 2007. Credit: Mzuriana

From Cappella Living Solutions: 

While ageism is rampant throughout our society, some [elder living] communities have found that ageism is even more pronounced among the older population, a theory that makes sense when considering the definition of ageism coined by psychologist Todd D. Nelson that explains that ageism is “prejudice against our feared future self” (2005).[Emphasis added.]

... Older adults who are fearful of losing cognitive or physical abilities are using the health of those around them to determine their own relative health, which leads to downward contrast comparisons (Loeckenhoff 2016). These are the kind of ageist statements like “At least I’m not blind like Mary,” or “I don’t belong here, these people are old.” ....

The first time I went to a yoga class, the instructor said a very important thing: "Do not compare your level of ability with that of others."

I realized recently that I had fallen into a pattern where I compare what I do or don't do, what I can or can't do, and how old I look or don't look, with an imaginary Everywoman of my cohort. 

While I have not fallen into a downward contrast comparison mode in the sense that I feel superior in any way to others in my age cohort (because, really, it's 100% about me and zero about anyone else), I do seem to have adopted exactly the kind of relative thinking that I deplore in some healthcare providers. 

I seek self-reassurance that I am doing OK. No. That I'm doing better than OK. No. That I'm doing better than the imaginary Everywoman in my cohort. Because "better-than" equals doing well. 

In other words, I have used the average health level of people my age as the yardstick to measure my health. 

Because I am so adept at denial of realities, I must kill these relativity thoughts.

What I would prefer to do is measure my level of health against an age-neutral bar. Otherwise, over time:

1. I might easily become complacent about habits that will keep me as active physically, socially, emotionally, and intellectually as I want to be. 
2. I might forget that any physical, social, emotional, or cognitive fitness I enjoy today could be snatched away from me tomorrow. Where I am relative to another person my age has very little meaning. Except for today. 

Besides, I learned from my 12-step experience that even if the duration of my abstention from my drug of choice is longer than a fellow 12-stepper's, the other 12-stepper might be light years ahead of me in emotional or spiritual maturity.