Friends: A Diversity of Age

Fish for dinner. Batumi, Caucasus Georgia. April 2012. Credit: Mzuriana. 

 

The value of having younger friends

When friend Cam was in her early 50s (and I was in my 40s), Cam's grandmother was still alive and independent in her 90s. 

Cam told me two things about her grandmother that have stuck with me. 

Cam's grandmother:

• Walked a mile a day; and
• Developed friendships with people younger than she.

Being in her 90s, Cam's grandmother had, of course, lost many of her contemporary friends and family members. But because she had been intentional in growing friendships with people from younger generations, Cam's grandmother maintained a thriving social network. 

Who do I define as younger? 

At least 10 years younger. 

A decision to find them

I've met folks who prefer that things such as this roll out "organically." To let things happen "naturally." They disfavor goal-driven and action-based intentionality in one's life experiences. 

That's not me. 

If I want diversity of age in my friendships, I can't leave the finding of them to chance. I've got to know what I'm looking for, where I'm likely to find them, put myself in those locations, and make overtures to youngers who interest me. 

Statistically, I know I've got to reach out to 10, 20, maybe 50 candidates in order to find one where there is a mutual affinity. The age differential makes it all the more difficult. 

The difficulty due to the age differential is not because there is a dearth of youngers who interest me. No, it is the opposite. It is because, culturally, the older I become, the less I am of interest to youngers as a group.  

Finding them

For a variety of reasons, I have lagged behind in my goal to seek, select, seed, and sustain friendships with youngers. COVID is only the most recent challenge to my goal. 

I'm chuckling to myself as I write this because I'm remembering a friend who sought a man for a long-term relationship. After some scattershot dating experiences, she created a spreadsheet that included a list of her wants, must-haves, and must-not-haves. For each man she dated, she evaluated him on the spreadsheet. On one hand, this is amusing, and for those of us who prefer an organic approach, it may seem too clinical. On the other hand, it helped my friend stay focused on what she wanted from a life mate and from a relationship. ... And, indeed, she found her mate. 

A former colleague used a fish pond as an analogy for her friend-finding activities. She threw out a line with bait. If a fish bit, she reeled it in. Sometimes the fish was a keeper. Sometimes not. The point was: She fished, regularly. 

Fish mosaic. Batumi, Caucasus Georgia. April 2012. Credit: Mzuriana.